It's the end of the world as we know it...

...and I feel fine! No, actually, that's a lie. I feel rather sick and (again) I blame my mother. (Don't know what I'm talking about? Refer back to my very first blog post.) I'm a bit stuffy and I have a sore throat and I couldn't sleep last night so I'm also tired, plus I've got PMS. So maybe the world will end, and I'll be the one to bring it about.

"Titus, that's what you get for not apologizing! I warned you I'd press the button!" <- unless your name is Titus Maroonda you will have no idea what I mean by that. Or if you're my best friend Sabrina, then you should know what I'm talking about, too.

*Sneezes* Ugh.

Anyways.

I thought it would be fun to write a blog post on the day that the world is supposedly ending. You know, for the apparent "last day of the world existing" I've done just about nothing today. Also, there's quite a lot of people at Walmart. AREN'T YOU PEOPLE SUPPOSED TO BE STOCK PILING WEAPONS FOR YOUR DEFENSE AGAINST THE ZOMBIES?? I swear I was terrified that my mom would ask me to do just that because she wasn't feeling well enough to do it herself yesterday...

I could write an entire post about what I would do if the world really was ending. But I figured no one would be interested in reading that. So instead, I've decided to write a post listing things that I will NOT be doing on this day that the world ends.

1. Stocking up on weapons to defend my family against the zombies, as stated above.
2. Eating 8 things of Betty Crocker's frosting: 3 cans of cream cheese frosting, 2 cans of milk chocolate frosting, 2 cans of triple fudge chip frosting, and 1 can of coconut pecan frosting.
3. Streaking in the downtown streets of my city. I mean, come on. It's snowing.
4. Getting my tongue pierced. I have enough trouble with the single piercings in my ears.
5. Skydiving
6. Swimming with sharks
7. Trying to tame a Tasmanian devil. Does anyone even know where I could get one of those?
8. Reading all the books in the world that I could ever want to read. And I really would like to do that. Unfortunately, I just don't have the time. *sigh*
9. Rounding up a pride of lions while bare-back riding a giraffe.
10. Getting his and her tattoos. Who wants a tattoo that says "His and her"?
11. Learning how to knit
12. Learning how to crochet anything except a long string
13. Getting my skin bleached. I'm pale enough as it is.
14. Going to a Justin Bieber concert
15. I guess I should also mention that I'm not going to a One Direction concert, either. And I wouldn't mind seeing that.
16. I guess I should also mention that I'm not seeing any concerts today...
17. Getting anything productive done today
18. Getting a job
19. Saving the polar bears
20. Finally getting rid of the scum bag slime ball who broke my best friend's heart. Why should he get the easy way out? He's gonna have to suffer the rains of fire along with us.
21. Learning to speak Tagalog
22. Paying back my student loans. Just kidding! I don't have any students loans. I'm still in high school, unlike the losers who have loans to pay back! mwahahahaha
23. Watching "Keeping up with the Kardashians."
24. Finally finishing watching Smallville
And last but not least...
25. Learning the lyrics to the opening song of "The Lion King."

Have a safe end of the world day! And remember: it's OK to round up a pride of lions while riding a saddled giraffe; just not a bare-back giraffe. I hope my post brought you some amount of joy on this very depressing day. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to learn how to play "Stayin Alive" on my harmonica.

Oh look! I came up with three more.

26. Buying a hermonica.
27. Learning how to play a hermonica.
28. Learning how to play "Staying Alive" on a harmonica.

Ain't nobody got time for all that stuff!

Peace!

Molly Maurer